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Acute Angularitis

Thursday, November 11 2004

On Wednesday I tried a new hair cut store. Instead of the usual Great Clips, I tried Super Cuts. I thought Super must be better than Great, and wondered why I hadn’t gone with the most superlative right from the start.

Within a few seconds of starting to spray my hair and comb it out, the hair cut lady said, as if I’d been searching for answers all along and she was it: “Oh. You have Mexican hair. You should always get your hair cut by a Mexican. I’m Mexican, so I know this.”

That got her a smile, but the smile was covering up the whirlwind of thoughts. Not only am I not Mexican, I’m not even close to being ethnic. I’m nearly as white as humanly possible, and could only get more white if my freckles, thrown up as a futile attempt against the blistering sun, were removed. How my hair became Mexican was dumbfounding.

I decided that while my hair might be Mexican like she said, it all comes down to a matter of biological mechanics. Observe, if you will, Illustrations 3a and 3b.

acute_angle.gif

Illustration 3a shows the hair that comes out of normal human beings. The follicle is quite happy to just make hair go straight out. The hair is then influenced by gravity, hairspray, combs, etc.

Illustration 3b is my hair. The follicle flunked first grade, and missed the part about coming out of the head at a proper angle. It’s shooting for a 45 degree angle, and because of this and the combined perfectly straightness of my hair, makes my hair impossible to control.

While thinking about this as the hair cut lady was doing her thing, she said “Mexican hair comes out at an angle just like your hair, and is very straight. I bet your hair grows fast too.” She was totally right. And she did a fine job of cutting my hair. Whether I have Mexican hair or not is a matter for Science, but I do know this – I’ll be getting my hair cut by her again.