Nearing Lex Luther Status

Tuesday, November 04 2003

My penultimate

goal in life is to become as powerful as Lex Luther. Indeed, he’s a fictional character, which works out in my favor, because if he were real, I’d have a competitor.

One step towards Lex Luther status, in my opinion and master plan, is to harness the power of RSS and blog syndication. I can now, after a carefully pressed sequence of buttons and mouse clicks, display an RSS feed on my links page. I know, I know, this can be done with other tools, and I myself was even doing it, but I assure you, my tool is now 213% more powerful. In the background, every time I consume an RSS feed, I also raise the temperature of the Indian Ocean by 0.00003453%. Let’s see your RSS reader do that. Certainly, only someone with Lex Luther Like Intentions as myself would consider creating and calling upon a raiseOceanTemperature(“Indian Ocean”) algorythym. And does your RSS reader slice rain forest monkeys in half with a wink? I think not. Only I would create a divideRainForestMonkeysEvenlyAndAccurately() class.

Also, my dream of monitoring 10,000 RSS feeds is far closer than can be comprehended even by the third fastest supercomputer . I built a robot. I call this robot HK9001. HK9001 now knows about 6,000 RSS feeds, and visits these feeds on a regular basis. HK9001 also discovers new feeds, both through current feeds, and through feed authorities. Anyone with Lex Luther Like Intentions such as myself should find it fully obvious the power of HK9001. Knowing what every blogger ate for lunch will aid in my partnership with McDonalds and Pepsi. And HK9002 can only be more powerful. Already, HK9002 is being designed to evaporate red headed children using precision mirrors and sonic waves. One can only imagine the clutch HK9002 will have over the estimated 2 billion read headed children.